To err is human, To forgive is divine.....

I guess it's that time again, for me to put words to paper (er, website.)  We all make mistakes. Some live and learn from them, some keep making them time and time again. Me, I've experienced my fair share of both scenarios in this situation.  I think for me, some decisions are easier made a second time around, especially when you may choose the wrong path the first time. 

I feel as if I've been erring for some time in my life, and it has come time to bite the bullet, face the music, take responsibility for my actions if you will.  I feel as if I have been walking without a lot of integrity for a long time, for reasons unbeknown to me.  Maybe it's fear of getting in trouble, fear of failure, fear of rejection, or just plain fear.  JFK said the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself, and that speaks true in any situation.  Sometimes you have to take risks, and whether or not you fail or succeed, just taking the risk and putting yourself out there, you have beat fear. 

Now on to forgiveness...I believe that forgiveness is divine, because it allows you to make peace with a certain person, situation, or feeling.  I've had times where it's hard to forgive, easy to forgive, but harder to forget and move on.  I honestly believe that if you forgive, you may never forget, but you have to move on.  If you can't, you truly haven't forgiven at all. 

To those that have done me wrong, I forgive you. I will move on, be a better person, and forget the mistakes of the past, while attempting to become a better person in the process.  For those that I have done wrong, please accept my sincerest apologies, and forgive me, and we can both move on from whatever problems have ailed us in the past.  To quote an August Burns Red song, "I am, just a man, with a heart and sinful hands..."  As much as we try to do right in our lives, there will be times where we falter, and times where we fail.  Every experience is a learning experience, and we learn something new every day.  So whether you stay on the comfortable road in life or take the life less traveled....just make sure to live, because that's what I plan on doing.

Until next time.....

Jeremy

What Now?

Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life and asked yourself that very question?  I think Shakespeare said it best when he said, "To be, or not to be: that is the question. " To be, be what you are capable of....to not to be, to fail.  Failure is a part of life, and some avoid it, avoid all consequences and chance encounters to dodge the possibility of failure.  I think to truly live your life is to open yourself up to failure, and with failure, success will come (that was probably said by someone and quoted before, but since I don't feel like researching it, I'm saying it haha.) 

Well, I personally asked myself this very question when I was down and all seemed to be lost not too long ago when I was in VA and treated like a stranger regarding my own son.  So I asked myself, what now? Should I turn tail and run whining with my tail between my legs?  Or should I change my attitude, pave a new way (think taking the road less traveled), and prove all the naysayers wrong?  Well, if you've ever watched an uplifting movie, watched old NFL videos of guys like Vince Lombardi, Don Shula, Mike Ditka, or Lou Holtz, well you can imagine after something like that what your decision would be.

People say, life is short....No it's not, life is LONG! So, since we all have an undetermined amount of time, live each day like it's your last, treat others how you want to be treated, and remember that doing what's popular isn't always right, and doing what's right isn't always popular.  Ok yeah that was just a lot of babbling right there but let me get back to the point.

If there is one thing I cannot deal with, it's those who are unable to take responsibility for their actions.  I've learned in my life that if you mess up, you can either pass it off and blame it on someone else, or you can own up to it, apologize, correct the behavior, and move on.  If you blame everything bad that ever happens to you on someone else, you'll never learn any lessons in life.  Now, I know I'm far from perfect, there are plenty of people who have it worse than I do, which is why I try to be humble.  Not sure if this is a bible verse too, but lyrics from an ABR (August Burns Red for you newbs) song describes me........"I am, just a man, with a heart and sinful hands..." Not that I'm sinful, but I am a man.  A man who has the power to shape his own destiny.

A choice to be positive is a choice we all have to make.  Make the right choice...but remember, doing what is right isn't always popular, and doing what's popular isn't always right.

Ok I'm doin rambling now. Until next time.....

A letter to my boys....

Well, since I've been having a really tough time working things out regarding my son with my ex, and the horrific weekend I had, I decided to write my feelings down regarding both of my children (unedited) at the time while flying from Newport News to Denver.....From being told I wasn't welcome somewhere where my youngest son would be to not being allowed to see my son, I just felt that I had to write something down that wasn't totally biased, something that came straight from my heart....Although my kids might not be able to understand this right now, I had to put it in terms that they will understand at some point so that I could get my point across....Well without further adieu...

Braden,

Hey buddy, just wanted to write you a letter and tell you that I miss you so much, and I can't wait until I get to see you.  I really wanted to see you this weekend while I was in town, but there were things that prevented that from happening...I didn't want that to happen at all. I tried my hardest to be allowed to see you, but I wasn't allowed to, and for that I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I want you to know that I love you. I want you in my life, and I will never do anything to jeopardize that. I want to hold you, and spend time with you that isn't interrupted by anything else I have going on.  From this moment, I want to make a promise to you, and that's the promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are taken care of and that I'm a part of your life and you are a part of mine.  I didn't move away because of you, I did it because I love you, and I want you to have a daddy who is happy and can give you the love and devoted attention that you need and deserve.

I've loved you since the day you were born, and that's never going to change.  I can admit that I wasn't the best at showing it for a long time, and I won't make excuses for that, but own up to my bad decisions and mistakes.  The only thing I can do now is ask for forgiveness, even though you are a child I will do that, and do what I can to right the wrongs of the past.  The past is the past, but it's the present and the future that counts. 

Regardless of how I feel about your mother, I will always try to put your best interests at heart, even if it means sacrificing my own. The only thing I want is to be the kind of father you can look up to, and I don't believe that means I have to distance myself from you.  I think it means that I need to be closer to you than ever, and influence and teach you to do the right thing every time, and I plan on doing that by leading by example, and that starts now.

Braden, until I get to see you again, you are in my thoughts, and I long for the day that I get to hold you and spend time with you....Just know that your daddy loves you, and always will, no matter what...

My oldest son....I barely know him.  I left Colorado when he was 6 months old..I ran away, and although I'm not proud of it, staying would have been worse and it has made me understand myself a lot better and my actions in the process.

Trevor,

I'm not sure how to write a letter to someone that I don't know.  As hard as that is for me to say, I don't really know you, but I can say one thing...I'm glad that you have such a wonderful mother, and a man who may not be your father, but has been a man in your life who was more of a father to you than I could be.  I want that man to adopt you, but your mom won't let that happen.  The reason I want that is because I feel like I am just taking away from what you could have by me not being able to be there for your during a a vital part of your life growing up.

I will always love you, as you're my son, but I feel that I haven't done my job very well as a father to you and for that I truly apologize. I want to be a part of your life, even if Joe adopts you, and I make a promise to you today that I will try as hard as I can to do that now that we are closer. 

Letting Go.....

Taking a quote that I've heard before, but someone pointed out to me again tonight, that goes "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  To this I say, NO MORE!  I am going to let go of all the negative in my life and choose to live life on a positive note.  Sure, there will be things that get me down from time to time, but I have the power to choose how events affect me and affect my life.  It is MY choice to be happy, MY choice to project that happiness onto others, and MY choice not to let negativity in MY life.  I have goals, that I plan to attain, and I have one goal in mind in the short term.  I want to make positive changes in my life so that I can be happy, and be a father that my two sons can look up to.  I've always tried to blame the fact that my own father was not around when I needed him most as a reason for the way I act, only taking care of myself and not worrying about others.  This is the reason that I have two failed relationships with two children that I hardly see anymore.  I say NO MORE to that as well....I have a choice to make....keep blaming the past and others as the reason I can't be happy, or to let go of the past, and pave a new path in which happiness is my ultimate goal....  If all a man has is his word, then this is what I say today, and with that you have my word. I will make every attempt to not be negative from this day forward. NO MORE!

I'm going to make it a personal mission of mine to change the way I view relationships in general. Not just relationships with women, but relationships with friends and family as well.  I've never been close to a lot of my family, and although I don't regret that, it is something I could have done differently in life.  I choose today to lead healthy relationships in all aspects of my life, and make as many new friends as possible.  You can never have too many friends, but I'd rather have a few very close friends than a million acquaintances. 

So I guess this is where I close....I will try to update my progress on my mission to lead an emotionally healthy life and create lasting bonds with new people as well as strengthen existing bonds....I'd like to close with a quote though....because I believe friendship is a key to a healthy life.

"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson